Ex- England leader Lewis Moody has announced he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet face the full consequences of the muscle-wasting condition that claimed the lives of other rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was part of the World Cup champion 2003 side and lifted multiple English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast two weeks after learning he has the disease.
"There's something about looking the future in the face and being reluctant to fully comprehend that at the minute," he said.
"It isn't that I fail to comprehend where it's progressing. We comprehend that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, conversing alongside his wife Annie, says conversely he feels "at ease" as he directs his attention to his immediate wellbeing, his family and getting ready for when the illness worsens.
"Perhaps that's trauma or possibly I handle situations in another way, and after I have the information, it's more manageable," he added.
Early Indications
Moody learned he had MND after observing some reduced power in his shoulder area while training in the gym.
After physical therapy was ineffective for the condition, a series of scans showed neural pathways in his neurological system had been affected by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're rightly extremely affected about it, but it's rather peculiar because I sense that nothing's wrong," he continued.
"I don't sense sick. I don't sense poorly
"My symptoms are rather minimal. I have a bit of muscle loss in the fingers and the upper arm.
"I continue to be competent to doing all activities. And optimistically that will continue for as long as is feasible."
Disease Progression
MND can advance quickly.
As per the organization MND Association, the illness claims a third of people within a twelve months and above half within 24 months of identification, as ingestion and breathing become harder.
Treatment can only retard deterioration.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," commented an moved Moody.
"It's the sorrow around having to inform my mum - as an sole offspring - and the consequences that has for her."
Family Impact
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overwhelmed by sentiment when he mentioned breaking the news to his sons - 17-year Dylan and adolescent Ethan - the heartbreaking news, stating: "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two wonderful boys and that was quite devastating," Moody stated.
"We positioned ourselves on the couch in crying, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced licking the moisture off our faces, which was quite silly."
Moody stated the priority was remaining in the now.
"We have no cure and that is why you have to be so strongly directed on just embracing and enjoying each moment now," he said.
"As Annie said, we've been truly fortunate that the only real choice I made when I concluded playing was to devote as much period with the kids as possible. We don't get those times back."
Athlete Link
Elite competitors are disproportionately affected by MND, with studies suggesting the rate of the illness is up to six times elevated than in the general population.
It is thought that by restricting the oxygen available and producing harm to motor neurone cells, regular, intense training can activate the disease in those already predisposed.
Athletic Professional Life
Moody, who won 71 England selections and toured with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in acknowledgment of his brave, persistent approach to the game.
He competed through a bone injury of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a training-ground scuffle with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, irritated, he discarded a practice gear and started throwing himself into collisions.
After appearing as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the end of the line-out in the crucial passage of play, establishing a base for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the game-deciding drop-goal.
Backing Community
Moody has earlier notified Johnson, who skippered England to that championship, and a couple of other ex- colleagues about his medical situation, but the others will be finding out his news with the remainder of public.
"We'll have a moment when we'll need to depend on their assistance but, at the moment, just having that type of care and acknowledgment that people are available is what's important," he stated.
"Rugby is such a great community.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even if it finished now, I've appreciated all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to call your love your vocation, it's one of the greatest blessings.
"To have done it for so extended a period with the teams that I did it with was a delight. And I am aware they will wish to support in every way they can and I await having those conversations."
