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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist a well-known presenter possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs within his residence. Spare a thought regarding the Barnsley supporter who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from the vacant Barnsley ground after falling asleep on the loo midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “He was barefoot and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking the location of the toilets, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a pupil informed a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit from the England national team post a quick discussion inside a lavatory booth alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” The English game has progressed significantly in the quarter of a century since. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Real-Time Coverage

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for women's football cup news from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles.

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and offer a concise remark. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|